Recently, since few days, I am feeling extremely depressed. Lack of concentration, feelings of not-being-good enough and self-doubt have created an invisible layer around me which is stinging me by and by.
During the morning hours, I feel quite enthusiastic and energetic. I feel I can conquer my depressing thoughts for the day, but along with sundown, I tend to lose control on my mood.
Although my basic nature is happy-go-lucky, I judge myself in every aspect these days. I realize that I am being too hard on myself. I find myself asking such questions that further enhance my anguish:
How could I be careless enough to miss a deadline? I think I am really worthless. I end up wasting so much time.
When will I be able to complete my next manuscript? Why can’t I focus and just write?
Do I write really good enough?
Do any of my close friends really care for me? I think no one has time for me. Everyone is busy in their lives.
Yesterday, as I was working on an article, a very close friend of mine, Triyas called me and asked me about how my life is going. I talked to her normally, but it’s really weird how she could sense that something is wrong. She insisted on meeting me in the afternoon. I told her that I have a deadline, but she compelled me to accommodate some time.
I thought that perhaps, there is an urgency and so I decided to meet her in the afternoon. We watched a movie, when we talked casually about each other’s life and then after the movie, she told me to go to her house to meet her mother.
I agreed as I felt calm and peaceful in her company. As we were walking in the evening towards her house, she asked me directly what was wrong with me. I tried to behave casually and told her since I slept less last night, I might be looking haggard.
She gave me a skeptical look and said, “You can confide in me, Purba. It is evident from your gait, your smile and the way you are speaking that something is terribly wrong with you. I have always seen you as this super happy, giggly and optimistic girl. This person is so different from the Purba I know.”
I finally couldn’t restrain my tears from appearing in my eyes. I told her about how worthless and despondent I have felt since the last two weeks. She just held my hand as a sign of assurance and prodded me to speak my heart out. Within a few minutes, I spoke whatever was there bottled in my heart.
She did not judge me or passed any comment. She just told, “We are human beings, Purba. There are times when we feel broken, dejected and that we cannot take it anymore. It is absolutely alright. Do not feed yourself with the information that you are a victim of depression. This is just normal and this phase will pass soon.”
She also said, “You are doing so well in your life, Purba. You are just like a butterfly that spread smiles and cheers on everyone’s face. Unleash that butterfly in you again.”
Her words of solace were like the most soothing balm to my arid heart. It made me believe in myself again and also assured me that everything is alright. It provided me with the much needed motivation.
|Me and Triyas(I took this selfie yesterday before leaving her house)|
Only during such times, we realize that there are still some beautiful angels who are always there for us in the form of friends.
Read more about optimism here: https://housing.com/ #together